They don't make 'em like they used to.

So the time has come again.  The annual trip to the mall to visit that hot pink polka-dotted lace and satin wonderland.  You know the one with the men standing outside the doors trying not to look inside, holding bags for their significant others that have been lulled into submission with a noxious mix of perfume and massage oils. Why do I come back? I keep asking myself that. The truth is, Vicky makes a good brassiere.

I don't own too many bras.  In fact I only keep one "good" one at a time. Sure there's last years model kicking around with the safety pin holding it together that I throw on when I'm working in the yard.  I also have the obligatory sports bra, the cheap one, the one that gives me a claustrophobic panic attack each time I have to put it on or take it off. Not a big deal, I don't work out much.

Actually my yearly bra-shopping holiday came by about four months ago.  I tried a new approach. I shopped a two-for-one sale at Macy's.  They're a reputable mainstream department store.  They must sell dozens of bras everyday to women of all shaped and sizes. I'm not freakish or anything, I'm sure I can find several options to suit my needs.  I tried on bras for an hour and finally walked away with two winners.  First: an everyday full coverage second: a subtle push-up for those times when boobs halfway down to my bellybutton just won't do. 

Well, a couple of months later, I find out the "everyday full coverage" isn't doing so well in the "coverage" department.  Nipplemania.  Of course I had to be told this, as I hadn't recognized the problem for myself over the previous months (obviously I need a better mirror).  So thanks to Ang for her late but much appreciated observation.  I only wish there weren't  a discussion held about my apparent chilliness to decide who would break the news to me.  Now for the push-up, who doesn't enjoy a little lift? Whatever, I was pushed up, over and out.  The little piece of fabric that was supposed to hold the two cups together kept stretching out.  I twisted the bra over and over as time went by to keep my bosoms from hanging out by themselves as the cups kept migrating under my armpits. I did catch a glimpse of this as I walked past the big picture window at Chili's.  Four boobs is not a good look for book club.

So, here I am again in a dressing room with a handful of bras staring at the neon sign above the full-length mirror that reads, "strip".  So I do.  I choose the Body by Victoria full coverage with ample lining.  Perfect for my full ampleness.  I feel confident that it's going to do the job.  I approach the cash register with the little cute blond girl waiting to help me.  She asks if the one bra is all I'm getting. I assure her, at $50 a pop, it is.  "White is so boring! Why don't you spice it up a little with our new leopard print or another one of our yummy colors?"  I can't believe this seventeen-year-old girl is telling me I should "spice things up".  She doesn't know me.  "I'm plenty spicy thank you very much."  Then I took my pretty pink striped bag and left.  See you next year.